I got friends that are always chirping me about how great the beach is and that lakes are trash, but that my friends, is fake news. Lakes are obviously so much better than beaches that it frustrates me to even have to write this blog in the first place.

First off, Lakes have fresh water, which kills the ocean right off the bat. How do people prefer all the salt and shit in every fucking crevice of the body? You come out of the water feeling like a dry sponge because the salt absorbs any moisture in your body. That fucking sucks. In a lake though, the water is warmer, clearer, and best of all you don’t have all that salty shit. Not only do you come out the water feeling fine, you come out of the water feeling fresh.

Now I’ll address the naysayers that say “Most lakes are murky.” Lakes may be murky but at least it’s natural, do they not realize that we dump our raw sewage into the ocean? I don’t know about you guys but I’ll take mud over shit any day of the week. Plus, I don’t know what murky lakes these guys go to, but lakes I go to are clear as glass.

Then we have the glorified rocks known as sand. These little fuckers end up everywhere on your body from the ears to the dick. Have fun picking out sand particles out of your asshole while I hang out on my nice wooden dock in the shade. Even if you are a crazy person that does like sand, lakes have sand along with grass and docks. At lakes you get to choose your surface of choice while beachgoers get stuck with one terrible option.

Lakes also reign supreme because of their flexibility. Not only can you do all the things you can on beach like sunbathe, drink, and swim (not many options really), you can also go boating, wake boarding, fishing, party barging (I’ll get to that later), pull up to restaurants and beaches on a boat, and do whatever you want in general. When your at a beach, everything is contingent on the weather, tides, and in general, the beach doesn’t allow you to do everything you want to do.

Anybody who thinks that oceans are better than lakes is simply a fool who hasn’t been to a real lake like Tahoe. They probably haven’t even been to a lake because if they had they ¬†would understand that lakes are superior. Lakes don’t get crowded like beaches because everybody has their own boat, dock, beach, or rock to themselves. Fourth of July on a beach is terrible but at a lake it’s perfectly fine. You can take a boat and park it right in front of a billionaire’s house and act like you’re a king on a lake but on a beach you have to be with all the peasants at the public watering hole.

Party Barges and boats seal the deal for lakes. If you’re at a beach, you’re stuck to the sand but if you’re at a lake you can have fun portably. Also you’re not stuck to the beating sun on a lake. There are trees and rocks that create shade on a lakeshore but at a beach you have to submit to the sun scorching your skin like a marshmallow.

If you’re a river or a pool fan, you can go suck my dick. I hope this helps make your decision a lot easier the next time you want to get in a swim and that this enables you to make the proper choice.