College football preseason ranking are an absolute JOKE. Remember last year when the perennial leaders in being overrated, Notre Dame and Texas, played each other in a shootout in the first game. All the rankings had them high, only until they played other teams… While it’s not entirely fair to pick on sports writers who use popularity to rank football teams, I’m going to judge them anyways.

Screen Shot 2017-08-09 at 10.49.37 PM.pngThe Shit

Alabama: I fucking hate Alabama.

Penn State: Look out for Penn State this year. This team is going to have the best backfield in the country with Saquon Barkley (He was the one who cleaned 400), a fourth year coach in James Franklin, and a solid secondary on defense. They’ve got a top quarterback in Trace McSorley and they seem to be laying off the pedophilia these days. Look for the Lions to capitalize off last year’s success.

LSU: DERRIUS GUICE IS THE REAL DEAL. Coach Ed Orgeron has his boys prepped and ready this year according to an interview he did recently. He said, “Gon do some foosball, gon stick da ball up that middle, no rice in da gumbo.” For real though, LSU is here to stay. Just last year when Fournette got injured or stopped playing, Guice stepped in and no one realized it wasn’t Leonard Fournette. Get ready for a big year from the jambalaya boys.

Stanford: Stanford is my somewhat sleeper pick to win the Pac-12 this year. I don’t want to spoil my section on USC so I will just go by saying this: Stanford will never be amazing but always intimidating enough to win the Pac-12. Stanford is not going to shock anyone with the way they play football. Even though they lost McCaffrey and Thomas, they’re still going to have Shaw, an outstanding O-line, and secondary. We’ll have to see what happens at QB with Keller Chryst coming back from knee surgery, but other than that, Stanford is pretty solid.

Bull Shit

USC: The most overhyped team in all the land this year. After stumbling upon a Rose Bowl last year, the Trojans have been overhyped because of their QB, Sam Darnold. The reason why I say the Trojans are overhyped is because Clay Helton has only been a head coach for USC for one full year and before that he was a QB coach. I think the only reason they’ve been successful is because their five star recruits like Adoree’ Jackson and Juju-Smith Schuster finally put things together and not because of coaching. Now that those guys are gone, USC is going to struggle due to lack of experience.

Oklahoma St: I don’t like Big 12 teams. Every Big 12 team can sling the ball because they all run a spread against each other, but once they face out of conference competition they get fucked. Mason Rudolph can throw and I’m sure he’ll be a Heisman candidate, but I think #9 is way to high for a team that’s going to be lackluster on d. Not to mention that they have one of the easiest schedules in college football with Pitt being their toughest non-conference game.

USF: GTFOH. Just because Charlie Strong had to put his tail between his legs and trot down to USF because he was awful at Texas does not mean this South Florida team is a top 25. Similar to my feelings about OK St, USF has an extremely easy season meaning they have little margin for error if they want a shot at a big bowl.

College football is going to be so great this year, every Saturday is going to be excellence from 9 AM to 10 PM (shoutout to Hawaii vs. Wyoming on CBS Sports, I’ll take it).